The stories I want to write
And why they don’t solve conflicts
Would I write G&G differently now?
Yeah.
What would I change?
… everything.
Aha, and why?
Hmm. (And here I had to take a moment to think.) I would tell stories completely differently. G&G is overstuffed, and messy, and has too many characters.
I would pick just one character. Maybe Thea. And then focus on one specific topic. A 20+ Thea might struggle with physical intimacy. The story would be about just that.
It would be quiet. With as little text as possible. No inner monologues.
~~~
And then I realised that the problems in my stories wouldn’t be solved. There wouldn’t be a solution to Thea’s struggles. I would just observe and show. Nothing more. Picking small and big moments in her life. Showing how she sits there on the edge of the bed, shoulders pulled up. And the reader would just know. They would get it.
A withering flower that someone gave her. Being booked to take photos at a wedding, looking at the newdly wed couple through her camera. Coming home with no one there waiting for her. Lying in bed with a hand on her belly that has a lump inside when she tries to get close to someone.
As long as there is conflict, it keeps my curiosity up. When the conflict is solved, I lose interest. When I know that there is a solution in the end, there is no reason for me to draw that story at all.
If the book would end with her finding a way how to enjoy physical intimacy with a partner, or she figures out that she’s happy just by herself with no intimacy at all, then pff. Scrap that.
But I think I’d like the character(s) to find their peace in the end. Maybe their problem won’t be solved. But they can be at peace with it. Not everything needs to be solved and not everything can be solved.
That’s why there are no wholesome couples in my stories. No seemingly happy people. It sounds completely miserable, ha.
But in my head, it’s not. It’s what keeps me going at creating characters and looking for myself in them. Without my own struggles solved. But that’s okay, and that’s why I can’t solve other characters’ struggles either. When they are okay with the struggles, so can I be okay with my own struggles.
On writing
I wrote a lot in the past couple of years.
Especially scenes with my characters. Usually, I think through ideas during my morning walk to the office or a walk during the day. And once they feel fleshed out enough, I open up a new document and let it flow out in a 1-2 hour session. Scrap my to-do-list, the scene needs to get out. Now. Or it won’t ever.
Done.
I don’t edit them.
But writing often fails. I struggle to do a consistent newsletter. Maybe I set the stakes too high? I tried writing a diary, just 10 minutes every day. Didn’t work. Tutorials for Patreon? No chance.
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When do you know if writing is for you or not? I haven’t found an answer yet. I guess, as long as you write, you’re a writer. No matter how often, how consistently.
Part of what keeps me from writing is that I don’t like my voice. When I write the first sentence in a diary entry, I go “oh God, that person is so annoying, so arrogant“.
But I still like writing, somehow. It’s different from drawing (which is my main, eh, “skill”). Writing is faster. It’s speed-of-light fast compared to drawing. But in drawing, I can judge when a picture is done. When it’s good enough. But judging how good a text is? No freaking idea.
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Script writing for my comic is different, too. This spring, I set a routine in the mornings to work on the rest of the script for my comic “Green & Gold”. It worked surprisingly well. Once I started, I couldn’t stop (usually worked on it from 9-13, with breaks). Changing this dialogue, writing down a new scene here …
I worked on it over a couple of weeks, until I called it done. I haven’t looked at it for maybe two months now.
Writing this script was like building something. It wasn’t fluid chronological writing. But more like filling the gaps. I jot down random scenes. I read the whole volume again. I think about what the story is still lacking. I think of new scenes (maybe the hardest part). I fill the gaps. Like a big patchwork blanket that gets bigger and more colourful over time, but also needs to lose some of the patches that make it ugly.
I’m pretty proud of it actually, hah.
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I don’t know how to end this post. I guess I just drop the pen and call it a day. That’s good enough.
And all is well again
I had travelled mid june. By myself, far away, for the first time.
A friend told me that travelling makes them sad because it feels like your normal life is boring and meaningless when you come back. That hit the nail on its head.
Now the memories from the trip are fading. A lot faster than I like! So many things were nice, that’s partly why I felt so down afterwards after all. I wanted to hold on to everything – the people, the walking, the streets, the food, the new experiences. But I can’t. Obviously.
~~~
Now I’m back to normal.
I had urgent stuff to take care of.
Drawing some school book illustrations for a long time client. Researching the development of a stag beetle was both terrifying and eye opening. Did you know they live most of their lives (a couple of years) underground, and just a couple of weeks up in the air in their impressive final form until they die?
Then some private things that will change my living situation soon.
My head is still confused. I keep zoning out during the day to have conversations with myself, until I remember I wanted to prepare the next social media post.
Summer time is amazing. On my walks last week, when the summer breeze was flowing through my loose clothes, and the world was quiet in that way only summer can be during noon, I felt super happy. I don’t like heat, but I love summer.
And I love my new barefoot shoes, hah.
Like a midlife crisis, sort of
Picture! Because pictures are always nice. I got an Instax camera a couple of months ago. When a photo turns out nice like these deeply green plants, it makes me happy.
~~~
I’m 36, live with my parents, have my own office. And everything seems to fall apart at the moment. I’ve been feeling lonely since a while. A couple of years. I have so many things to be grateful for – and still, I’m longing for a different life. Maybe not a completely different life. But I’m craving changes. As we say in German “Mir fällt die Decke auf den Kopf” (“Cabin fever”). My world seems suffocatingly small. Days are repeating themselves.
Recently, I learned something about myself that made me see my life differently in hindsight. It seems like a small thing, and nothing to be worried about. But it is a big thing to me. We storytellers (I make comics) tend to tell stories that have their origin in the core of ourselves. My core circled around a certain topic. With every character I created, I tried to figure myself out.
And now that I got a (maybe temporary) answer, my core is hella confused.
I currently don’t dare to touch my characters anymore. I’m scared of everything having changed. My perception of them. My relationship to them. They aren’t my safe place anymore. And that’s scary.
I read somewhere about being curious about your own feelings. I really like that approach. Being curious about the changes inside me means that there’s nothing to be afraid of. Because I can just observe and be interested, but it won’t wipe me off my feet. Feelings aren’t set in stone after all. They come. They go. Some are nice, some aren’t. And that’s all part of being a human bean.
Maybe some of you can relate to feeling stuck. Maybe the thing you love doesn’t fill you with joy anymore like it used to (I’m starting to wonder about this towards drawing). Maybe you are lonely. Maybe you are confused, or tired.
What helps me right now is working through things. One by one. Whatever presents itself every day. If I need to cry, I cry. If my thoughts drive me crazy, I write them down. Talking with good people helps. Not being alone all the time helps. Taking walks helps.
And thinking helps. Finding out why I feel what I feel. Where the longing comes from. Where the sadness comes from. And trying to be okay with everything currently being that way. Feelings are trying to tell us something. It can be satisfying to listen to them quietly.
G&G gets *officially* published! Ahhh
Ok, this is big news!
I haven’t said a word until now because I don’t have the time to take proper pictures and write proper posts X_X (Working on the comic at full speed though, so it’s okay, haha)
So you’ll just get a not-perfect post with not-perfect pictures now, but it’s better than staying silent for longer.
Here’s my official dtv page, hehe. You can preorder the books for example at Amazon, Thalia, Hugendubel.
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G&G will be published by dtv which is a well known German publisher. You got questions, here are some answers:
Distractio- oh, shiny!
A while ago, I deleted Twitter and Instagram off my phone.
Ah, the quiet in the evenings. After dinner, I used to slump into my armchair and scroll through Instagram.
“Just a couple of minutes.”
The minutes often turned into 20 minutes. The feeling of “what the heck am I doing here? My eyes go numb” came quicker and got worse the more evenings like that passed. Did I even gain anything out of scrolling through social media?
Do I really need to know about today’s trending topic on Twitter today? Or how Instagram’s algorithm changed once again?
Youtube guy struthless noticed through micro journalling that “Most problems won’t matter in 10 days.”
So: No. You don’t need to keep up with all the stuff that is happening out there every day. And often, it’s not even actually happening. People are talking about things a lot. That makes it seem like there’s tons of stuff going on all the time. And you don’t want to miss out on it! But it’s totally okay to miss out on the “non important” things.
Meaningful vs. non meaningful things
Invest your time in things that matter to you. Consume long term content. Build up your skills in drawing/writing/making music/etc. Get good. Spend time with your family and people you value.
Hi! I’m Lisa, illustrator and comic artist from Germany. I create the comic Green & Gold.
