Picture! Because pictures are always nice. I got an Instax camera a couple of months ago. When a photo turns out nice like these deeply green plants, it makes me happy.

~~~

I’m 36, live with my parents, have my own office. And everything seems to fall apart at the moment. I’ve been feeling lonely since a while. A couple of years. I have so many things to be grateful for – and still, I’m longing for a different life. Maybe not a completely different life. But I’m craving changes. As we say in German “Mir fällt die Decke auf den Kopf” (“Cabin fever”). My world seems suffocatingly small. Days are repeating themselves.

Recently, I learned something about myself that made me see my life differently in hindsight. It seems like a small thing, and nothing to be worried about. But it is a big thing to me. We storytellers (I make comics) tend to tell stories that have their origin in the core of ourselves. My core circled around a certain topic. With every character I created, I tried to figure myself out.

And now that I got a (maybe temporary) answer, my core is hella confused.

I currently don’t dare to touch my characters anymore. I’m scared of everything having changed. My perception of them. My relationship to them. They aren’t my safe place anymore. And that’s scary.

I read somewhere about being curious about your own feelings. I really like that approach. Being curious about the changes inside me means that there’s nothing to be afraid of. Because I can just observe and be interested, but it won’t wipe me off my feet. Feelings aren’t set in stone after all. They come. They go. Some are nice, some aren’t. And that’s all part of being a human bean.

Maybe some of you can relate to feeling stuck. Maybe the thing you love doesn’t fill you with joy anymore like it used to (I’m starting to wonder about this towards drawing). Maybe you are lonely. Maybe you are confused, or tired.

What helps me right now is working through things. One by one. Whatever presents itself every day. If I need to cry, I cry. If my thoughts drive me crazy, I write them down. Talking with good people helps. Not being alone all the time helps. Taking walks helps.

And thinking helps. Finding out why I feel what I feel. Where the longing comes from. Where the sadness comes from. And trying to be okay with everything currently being that way. Feelings are trying to tell us something. It can be satisfying to listen to them quietly.